By: Neil Wattier, Mental Coach for Athletes, Parents, and Coaches
Pain is unavoidable in life and in sport. It can come in the form of failure, disappointment, injury, or mental struggle. For adolescent athletes, pain is often something to be avoided or feared. But what if we reframed it? What if, instead of shielding athletes from discomfort, we taught them to pursue it before it pursues them?
As parents and coaches, our instinct is often to protect. We don’t want to see our kids hurt or frustrated. But shielding young athletes from all forms of pain robs them of something essential: resilience. Instead, we must create opportunities for them to face manageable challenges, learn how to respond, and grow stronger in the process.
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”
– Bruce Lee
The Reality of Pain in Sports and Life
No matter how talented, hardworking, or well-supported an athlete is, pain is inevitable.
The pain of not making the team.
The pain of being benched.
The pain of a nagging injury, a losing season, or being criticized.
These are not signs of failure—they are rites of passage. And how an athlete learns to respond to pain will often determine their long-term success and satisfaction in both sport and life.
Why Avoiding Pain Makes Athletes Weaker
When we remove every obstacle or soften every blow, we might be protecting short-term feelings, but we’re sacrificing long-term growth. Pain teaches:
Accountability
Focus
Adaptability
Mental toughness
Empathy for others
Avoiding pain fosters entitlement and fragility. Pursuing it teaches courage and control.
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What Does It Mean to Pursue Pain?
Pursuing pain doesn’t mean encouraging recklessness or burnout. It means helping athletes get comfortable being uncomfortable. It means:
Voluntarily pushing through a tough workout.
Embracing the nerves before a big competition.
Owning up to mistakes instead of making excuses.
Asking for feedback and doing the hard work to improve.
Sitting in emotional discomfort without running from it.
Pain is a teacher, but only if we lean into it rather than hide from it.
Practical Ways to Teach This Mentality
Normalize Discomfort
Talk openly about the role of pain and failure. Share your own struggles and what you learned from them. Let athletes know: “If this feels hard, you’re doing it right.”
Use Reflective Questions
When your athlete is frustrated or hurting, avoid rushing in to fix it. Instead, ask:
What can you learn from this?
What are you most proud of about how you handled it?
What would you do differently next time?
Reflection helps pain become productive rather than paralyzing.
Encourage Ownership
Let athletes take the lead in solving their own problems. Support them, but don’t step in too quickly. Let them feel the weight of accountability.
Celebrate Effort and Grit
Praise athletes for showing up, working through tough moments, and staying present in adversity. Resilience grows when it’s noticed and reinforced.
Model It Yourself
Whether you’re a coach pushing through a hard season or a parent navigating personal stress, talk about how you face your own pain. Kids learn best by watching.
The Long-Term Payoff
Athletes who learn to pursue pain are better prepared for the real world. They are:
More resilient in relationships and academics
More confident and self-aware
Less likely to crumble when life doesn’t go as planned
They stop fearing pain and start seeing it as part of the growth process. And that mindset creates adults who can adapt, persist, and thrive in a world that isn’t always fair or easy.
Pain is coming. Whether it arrives as a small stumble or a major setback, it will find every athlete at some point. The question isn’t how to avoid it—it’s whether your athlete will be ready to face it.
Pursuing pain is about leaning into life’s challenges before they blindside us. It’s about choosing the hard road now so that we are stronger when the road gets even harder later. As a parent or coach, you have the power to help young athletes develop this mentality.
Don’t rob them of pain. Teach them to pursue it—so when it inevitably comes, they’ll already know what to do.
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Every athlete has specific performance needs and goals.
Carefully tailored training plans guide each athlete to their desired results.
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